That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
