I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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