So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
