I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
