Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
