Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
