If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
