so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
