who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
