I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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