Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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