remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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