why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
