Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
