my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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