when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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