yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
im calling her cock vulture from now on
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
