i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
