When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
