after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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