I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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