I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
