My hand turned me down
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.