The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.