LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
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I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.