Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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