If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
