Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
