I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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