i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
