U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
