I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
