I wish they made helmets for livers.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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