I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
