quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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