benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
