my shit smells like andre
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
