You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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