Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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