Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
