After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
