I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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