You smell like a Billy Joel song
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize