Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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