Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
