walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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