grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
