Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
