im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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