is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
