Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Too much gin, very little bucket
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
