STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
