dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We named our party play list daddy issues
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
