Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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