Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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