Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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