he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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