on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
