what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
