dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
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My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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