Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
