every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I didn't notice because vodka
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
