How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
