So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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