You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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