Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
