Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
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Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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