my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
