If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
