listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
