i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
